"Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..." Hmmm...I sure know what that's like! That's what my body is screaming to me every morning around 6:45 a.m. in the middle of my run when all I want to do is stop and walk. But I don't...I keep "trotting" away (as they call it here).
Why? Why don't I just quit and walk? Well...numero uno, because I was crazy enough to sign up for a 10K in HK in February and if I don't keep on keeping on, I won't finish it. I want to cross that finish line knowing I did the best I possibly could. It's a goal I've had for awhile, and I was finally committed enough to sign up for it. Second, I know I'll never get faster and gain more endurance if I just stop and walk when I'm tired. Those times that I push through the pain and temporary discomfort are exactly what help me to build endurance and get faster.
I can't help but see a significant parallel in my life right now to this picture of running with perseverance, not giving up, finishing strong... Life’s been a little rough this week. I’m hurt, saddened, and frustrated beyond words—probably more than I have been since coming here. It’s probably a result of all the little things built up over time, but the straw that broke the camel's back is the disrespect from the kids this week. One of the hardest things for me is to feel like I’m pouring my heart out for these kids…giving them love the best way I know how, spending time with them, teaching them, laughing together, reading stories, providing material things, and then in the blink of an eye you can become their worst enemy simply for disciplining one child who was—for Pete’s sake—harming another child!!!!
As a result, for the past few days we’ve been insulted and given the cold shoulder from most of the girls and some of the boys. Not getting a response to a simple “hello” is so hurtful when you love these kids so much. Yesterday I’d had enough. Sometimes I wonder if it’d just be easier if I didn’t care… if I didn’t love them at all, then I couldn’t be hurt. However, I do love them. That’s not going to change. I care about them so much and only wish they would see it.
Through this all, I’m comforted by two truths. First, these troubles are temporary and don’t come as surprises to God. Jesus states in John 16:33b, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” How great to know that as followers of Christ all of our trials and troubles are temporary and so minor compared to the glory that is to come! Romans 8:18 says, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”
Second, I’ve been comforted by the realization of God’s love for me. I have been chosen and loved by God and have been just as stubborn, rude, unloving, and ungrateful as some of these kids are being right now. Yet God does not turn His back on me; He does not refuse to have anything to do with me. His love is constant, sacrificial, and real. Romans 5:6-8 says it better than I possibly could, “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” In the midst of our own sin against God, He didn’t give up on us—in fact, He DIED for us!
I pray that I have the grace, forgiveness, mercy, and love that can only come from God to love on these kids, because everything inside me just wants to hide out for the remainder of my time here, but I know that’s no way to finish. Just like in my morning runs, I need to press on, push through the pain, insults, and hurtful ignorances, and realize that we are to rejoice in our sufferings because they produce perseverance, character, and hope. (Romans 5:3) Why? Because I'm running to hear the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)
2 comments:
Thanks so much for sharing Dana. I can imagine how hurtful that reaction must be to you because you do love the kids and show it in so many ways. Keep showing that unconditional love to them, even when they don't reciprocate it- maybe they are testing your love for them. So glad God is pouring his love and word into your heart so you can love them like Him (I think it hurts Him too).
I'm just headed out for a run myself this morning with the 10K in mind! You are such a daily inpiration and reminder for me of the blessings in my life and the need to pray/be there for others.
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